How to Lose an Election

Readers, This was submitted for posting, and I thought you'd appreciate it!- RM

How to Lose an Election

By Sara Failin’

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS RATED PG-13 (For graphic images, some mild language, and personally offensive content to those with egos bigger than their brains)

After watching the results of the May 4th primary in Indiana, Ohio, and North Carolina, I couldn't help but feel disgusted! Once again, the party "Big Boys" have pushed the American people over the barrel and told them to shut- up and like it! While this image may be a little graphic, the reality of the current November election in these three states is worse. In all three states, the American voter now must choose between s.h.i.t.t.y. choice Republican (SpinelessHalf-wit Intent on Turning Tail on You) or s.h.i.t.t.i.e.r. choice Democrat (Spineless Half-wit Intent on Turning Tail while Increasing Excises and Restrictions). The only options left for the freedom loving voter is to either vote for the s.h.i.t.t.y. choice, telling the party boys they accept their manipulated fate, or voting for the 3rd party candidate, which, without a lot of volunteer energy behind them, will likely lead to the s.h.i.t.t.i.e.r. choice being elected in November.

So, after reflecting on this pathetic situation and dreading my November ballot (I live in Indiana), I have decided to write an advise column for others in the hopes that they can make the necessary adjustments to both their use of time and their mental attitude prior to their own state’s primary elections! If, however, you want the sensation of having your mouth gagged, hands bound, and personal liberties ripped out your backside, then by all means, follow the same path as those in the "conservative grassroots" groups here, in the Hoosier state. To make sure you lose to the party Big Boys in the primary elections follow these simple and proven steps:

• Believe what the media is telling you about the race, particularly about the "Tea Party" candidate and believe the polls they put out are legitimate. Just ignore the fact that the liberal news media is permanently attached to the back-end of the jack-asses, while the "conservative" news sources (yes, your precious Fox news) is sucking from the "teet" of the elephants. Where is the proof of this claim, you may ask? Here's just one blatant example: There were actually 5 candidates in the Indiana US Senate race, but you wouldn't know this listening to the national news reports (and many local ones) which all claimed there were only 3 senatorial candidates- even after being informed on countless occasions of the existence of the other 2 candidates.

• Spend countless hours protesting, writing emails, and calling your non-representing representatives. The time spent doing this rather than working for a candidate’s campaign will really help you lose the election.

• Donate money to your local Tea Party group so they can hold more rallies and protest! This will limit the funds you have available to give to the worthy candidate’s campaign. Better yet, just give your money to the party itself.

• If there is a large group in your state who has thoroughly vetted the candidates in a race and have endorsed the one found most Constitutional, make sure to IGNORE their endorsement! You could actually win the election if all patriot groups rallied around this candidate.

• Spend all your time arguing with people on the internet, explaining why your candidate is better than all the others, and make sure to undermine any candidate that has been vetted and endorsed by the larger group.

• Decide that YOUR patriot group knows best about the candidates, and there's no need for YOUR group to join efforts with others because you have enough people to push YOUR candidate over the top- you have at least 1,000 people in your mailing list, right? Ignore the fact that an average of 30% of these people ever read your messages, and that there are less than 50 people actually DOING the campaign work. You still have the power.

• Along the same lines as the above step, make sure you (as a leader in the patriot movement) isolate yourself and your group from all other conservative groups because you don't want your members to actually vote against your favorite candidate-you know best and your opinions matter most. Don't even think about setting aside your own ideas to support a candidate others groups are supporting in order to prevent the Rino from winning (this would be compromising, and an offense to your morals, right?)!

• Rather than making calls or canvassing for the candidates in your state, spend a lot of time researching the bills coming out of Washington. This way you can spend any other free time writing emails and letters to your non-representing representatives!

• Believe that everyone who votes in the primary election are the “informed” voters, and continue to focus solely on those you can reach through the internet. Everyone knows person to person contact through canvassing or talking to civic groups is overrated; and besides, it would mean you would have to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people. That sucks- just stay behind your computer screen and complain.

• Volunteer to help and then do nothing. This one’s really effective! Many people are already good at it, but let me help out those who want to try it: First, get excited about making a difference in the election and volunteer with a candidate’s campaign or patriot group to work on the candidate’s campaign. Next, offer to help with a particular project (making calls, canvassing, distributing yard signs, interviewing candidates, etc). Finally, let life get in the way of you actually doing what you said you would do, and believe you are making the right choice because someone else can pick it up for you. Take no personal responsibility in the process, and then criticize those who are actually working. This really helps lower morale.

• Lastly, support a candidate because lots of national party people and party- controlled groups say he’s the guy to vote for... even if the local groups are exposing that candidate as a party hack. Ignore any negative press about your favorite candidate and ALWAYS listen to the national party guys- ESPECIALLY the National Republican Senate Committee. This is a sure fire way to get screwed in the election!

I know the list was long, and appreciate your patience in reading through it all. I hope you have found it insightful... or at the very least insulting enough to push you into positive forward action. The tactics listed above may sound ridiculous to some of you, but I assure you they have ALL been tested in the real world and have been proven highly successful in losing an election. If my observations have made you feel angry or defensive... you obviously needed someone to slap you in the face and show you how petty and childish you have acted over the past 9 months. I feel I have done you a great favor in pointing this out to you. For all others, I hope you take these lessons, and make whatever corrective steps are needed to remedy the situation BEFORE IT”S TOO LATE!

Call an emergency meeting with all other grassroots groups to decide who to back in the primary- and don’t leave the meeting until a consensus has been made! Look for groups who have actually vetted the candidates with more than just a look at their voting record or their pretty speeches! A thorough vetting will include a principles based analysis, an interview, and a vote among the people, before an endorsement can be given. Not just a, “I like the way he/she speaks in their prepared speeches” or worse yet, this candidate is the cousin to my girl-friend’s best friend! PLEASE! Most of all, get out of your house, talk to your neighbors, make calls, the only thing that can beat party money is grassroot’s voices, but if the grassroots are silent, the party hack (either s.h.i.t.t.y. or s.h.i.t.t.i.e.r.) wins.

I wish the best for all of you, and hope you choose to take the hard steps needed to win in your primaries. Some of us can learn from the mistakes of others, while some must learn lessons the hard way. For our country’s sake, and for my children’s future, I pray you will take this to heart and learn from the mistakes made here in Indiana!

Your fellow sister in patriotic spirit...

Sara Failin’